Sobriety: My dirty little secret*

*In response to a post on the booze-free brigade:

Great topic, and I'm enjoying reading this.

I'm on the complete OTHER end of the spectrum, and it is mostly because of my personality. I am an over-sharer, honest-to-a-fault, super outgoing person. I chat with everyone everywhere and generally have no limit on what is "personal". 

I'm 32 days sober right now. My decision to get sober was long-thought out and a long time coming, but just kind of started "off-the-cuff" I woke up one morning and just said "I quit" No specific reason, no "plan"....just, done.

I immediately started telling people. I thought this made me brave, and would help me build a support system, and inevitably more accountable in my sobriety. However, I didn't commit to a forever-quit (still not sure I have) and someone even asked me why I was sharing so much - "aren't you afraid of failing?"....well I wasn't then, but now I am!

First off, I am sharing this sobriety with my husband, literally. I can only speak for myself, but he believes he also has a problem with alcohol,  and recognizes neither of us could do this with out the other (thank GOD! He is my rock) I told my children, who seemed to barely listen (as usual). I shared with my boss and my co-workers who I am close to - enjoying their words of encouragement and support. I have shared with a few close couple-friends - ones I (we) commonly drink with - maybe to head off any uncomfortable situations where there was an expectation we would be drinking.

I haven't told my family, I'm not close with them at all (mostly and likely DUE to my drinking past), but I assume they have heard through the grapevine, no one has mentioned it (which I find somewhat hurtful).

At the end of the day I think I shared and continue to share my adventure with sobriety with people for two reasons. #1 is because I NEED to talk about it! I've gone to some AA meetings (although not lately) but don talk as I have to practice listening and I feel to early in my sobriety to share - I haven't found a meeting I particularly like so much. But I have to talk about it - get it out - off my chest - and my husband (bless his heart) is not so forthcoming. He actually has hardly told a soul. Which makes it a little weird for me. We can talk to each other, but I need other outlets too. This blogging thing REALLY helps (now I'm telling STRANGERS my whole life-story!)

#2 is Id like to believe that this journey is truly one day at a time. therefore, when I tell people, no matter WHO they are that I a not drinking today, that is IT! That's what I am committed to: not drinking today. Tomorrow may be different. I can accept that, but today, and for the last 32 days, I'm off the bottle. Not everyone is going to understand this, and that's OK. They are lucky enough to not HAVE to understand it. At the end of the day, this day, this 24 hours, the only person I need to answer to is myself. Am I happy with who I am today? Yes!

Who gives a F%$& what anyone else thinks?.......